I kinda wish I talked to him more often. It feels like there's only one guy who doesn't let me fall apart. And when I do he fixes me. That guy was Jo. Still is and might always be. I feel bad. I don't even know how to feel. I liked the guy and I still do. I was once in love and I still am. But I don't get why I stopped talking to him or why I stopped talking to him in school. When did I stop being his best friend? When did I stop caring? Wait, I never stopped caring. Hell I care too much as a matter of fact. So I've been ignoring everyonem. In fact I've been doing that to everyone. I'm the one who's distant. Not them...
Maybe. I guess.
Today I made my second cut. With a metal ruler not a penknife. No big deal it's just red and a little swollen and no blood. The other day I ended up hitting my heas against the wall because I couldn't fucking use the knife. I mean I want to feel pain not die. The penknives are all rusty, and I would rather not die if all I want to do is feel something different from despairing pain.
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