Pretend

"Let's pretend that I'm okay." 

Okay, I'm going to talk. And you're going to listen. 

I have deleted these sentences over 20 times.

I have procrastinated my homework since 5 hours ago.

I haven't done shit.

I'm tired.

I'm sad.

I'm scared.

I'm worried.

I don't know why either.

Typing like this helps.

"Let's Pretend I'm not screaming."

Today is a mess

Tomorrow is a deadline.

Yesterday was hell.

What's this week going to be like?

Suddenly I see that yellow circle.

A blue logo pops up

And I see his message.

Something in me is awake.

I type back my reply.

"Let's Pretend I'm happy."

Today is a mess

Tomorrow is a deadline.

Yesterday was okay.

This week was fun.

I saw that yellow circle

In it was a '1'

The blue logo was bright

And I saw his message.

Something in me was awakened.

And it is something we call 'love'.

He is my Support.


"Let's Pretend."

"I want to break the mask."
"You're beautiful"
"See, your mask is breaking."
"I want you to be happy."
"I want you to be you."
"I want you to be okay again."
"I want you to be smiling."

...

Today, I stopped pretending.











-I love you

Lonely

Ah, so it comes again,
The insomnia that takes me,
Consumes me and hates her.
It hates her, that one in the mirror.

The ‘me’ I see is so strange,
I’m confused by it all,
Afraid,
Deranged.

But then there’s you,
Who sees me differently.
The one behind the scenes,
Who doesn’t hate or despise me.

So now you’re busy,
And I’m supposed to be asleep.
But I’m not tired,
No, not in the slightest.

So I think I’d just sit here.
Just sit here alone.
I’m going to stay awake.
Just waiting…

But the truth is,
Despite it all,
Even though you’re not right here with me,
Somewhere far off away from my sight.

Despite all that,
I’d still sit here alone,
And through the lonely times…
I’d still wait…

Because all I ever wanted was to see you,
To hear you,
To know that you're safe.
All I ever wanted was you by my side.

That's why,
I'd still be here.
That's why,
I'd still wait...

...

Is that okay?