Dear Yumi,
I don't know how long it would take for you to see this, but I'd write it anyway.
I don't think I'd ever be done telling you how much you mean to me, or that you'd ever truly realise how much you've done for me. I don't think I'd ever finish finding all those little details of yours, those that remind me how much I appreciate you.
As I write this today, on the 9th of November at 1:22AM, a Sunday, six days after my birthday, I remember the day I really, truly met you.
It was last year during Camp. We've known each other through the drama club back then, but weren't friends like that. We talked about Anime and stuff, because I was feeling lonely and maybe you thought I needed a friend. Whatever it was, somehow we started talking. I think we really started talking then, and that's the first time we talked. I mean, like, real talk.
The second time I spoke to you was during Christmas last year. We were at Wendi's place and we made Crepês and ate pizza. Echo and Wendi were talking about My Little Pony and the two of us just sat there not really knowing what was going on. So we talked about other stuff instead.
The third time was online. WhatsApp. The first KEYcrew chat happened, and Wendi found her friends. WhatsApp happened, then the fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh time we spoke with many more to come occurred. I've known you since last year; and a lot can happen within a year.
Maybe it will pass, like every crush that happens. I don't know. When people have crushes on people it doesn't usually last very long. Sometimes I hope it lasts a lifetime. Sometimes I prepare for the feelings to fade. But then I hold your hand and fall asleep on you, and that feeling reconciles, like it always does.
Heck if I know if we're gonna be friends for a long time. I don't have much control over that, even though I wish I did. Sometimes the world is against us. I used to have two other friends who we were so close from Primary school on. We stopped talking for some stupid reason, I would never figure out why. We went to different schools. We stopped talking. It was weird for a while until I made some new friends.
Maybe you'd tell me something different. Like we'd never be apart. You're not gonna leave me or Echo or Anna. Nobody's going anywhere, spiritually. We're all still be friends, no matter what happens. The thing is, we never considered that reality was pain. A lot of things happened that I knew was coming, like your prelims and Stepping Down, like the creation of KEYcrew and the fights in Fandom Wars. I knew they were coming and I anticipated so. I was ready. There were many, many things that made me laugh and cry, some that pissed me off and some that didn't. But I was ready for that. I was okay with it. Then it happened.
You graduated.
...
You graduated.
I wasn't ready. I saw it coming, right before my eyes. You studying for the GCSEs, you taking the papers. I saw how pressured you were to do it right, and I tried my best to make it better. But even though I knew it happened I couldn't really accept it. Until the year is over maybe I won't accept that you're no longer here. That you're not within reach, just downstairs in the New Block. Third floor, classroom right next to the IT room. That we can't ever just spontaneously look for each other after dismissal to get lunch without planning it first. It hurt. It hurt a lot.
I can hear rain outside. It's making me feel sleepy.
I want to believe that we could one day find ourselves at the same Polytechnic. Just end up at the same place. Not because of some crazy obsession with you (even though I do love you very much); more because I'd miss you a lot. I can't imagine being alone anymore. Not just you, I'd miss Anna and Echo too, if they were both to go to different places. I'm scared that we'd all end up somewhere different and we'd slowly drift apart and suddenly everything's gone. I'm scared.
I miss you every day. I like holding your hand and hugging you randomly. I like that you're shorter than I am and I can hug you like that. I like that I really really really love you because you're you. I like how cute you are. I like how you love stuffed animals. Don't deny that, you hug every single one you see.
In the end, I don't know when you'd see this. I just wrote an entire letter that would probably look better on a Christmas Card somewhere.
Yes, in the end, I can only write what I am too cowardly to say.
In the end, all I know to say is that I'd miss you very much. While this year's heading towards its end I will wait. And pretend. I'd pretend that you're not gone yet.
I'd always miss you, Yumi
I Love You.
-Kyoko.
